The act of Sex many times can be like acting on a theatre stage. Most people learn how to act through movies, porn movies, magazines and through what their friends tell them.
In the women’s world, things are even more complicated. I have listened to so many women sharing with me how difficult is for them to have sex and not to think about their body’s imperfections.
They constantly compare themselves with what they see in the media and, therefore, it is impossible for them to relax and just enjoy an act, that finally has nothing to do with performance.
Sex has become an activity where people move in a specific way, moan in a specific way, kiss, caress, and generally perform in a specific way. It is one more sector of their lives where they need to wear one more mask! This keeps people imprisoned in their minds as well as attached to their programming from the media and society. This makes people perform sex for their partner rather than simply connect with them through sex.
In the men’s world, things are not easier either. They also need to follow a specific line of performance.
A performance that can sometimes be stressful since they also compare themselves with prototypes of porn or Hollywood movies. Sex for most men is a space where they believe they need to act without showing emotions and without revealing their vulnerability. From a very young age they get
programmed, according to the patriarchic-macho way of being, that is mainly focused on the goal of penetration and ejaculation. Here men are also focussed on their bodies but the focus is more centered around their genitals (size of genitals; how long I last; how much pleasure I can give my partner).
To cut it short most of the time, both men and women, connect sexually following a protocol and not their creative side – or naturally. They then hide the way that they really yearn to connect somewhere at the back of their mind or in a small space in their heart. All those hidden desires they can stay there
forever or can be experienced as fantasies.
Things could be easier if only people could just be themselves.
Some tips that can help you be more «You» in sex are:
- Take it slow Breathe and be present in your body. Usually, the body needs a lot more time to adapt to a connection with another body than the time that the mind needs!
- Smell, look, taste, touch in a more conscious and slow way.
- Be present in your body and Breath!
Breathing will definitely help you take it slow and stay in your body.
- Forget whatever you have seen or heard about sex
Every person is different! Sex is a field of unlimited creativity! As long as you are respecting the boundaries of your lover and you do not harm anyone you can enjoy creating different types of connecting!
- Communicate! When you are with a lover try to get to know him/her first. Many people avoid talking about how they like to be approached on sex. There is nothing wrong about sharing your preferences with your lover!
- Accept your body Before you decide to connect with another person accept and love your body the way it is. No one is perfect! Your body is there doing its best to serve you. The least you can do is to serve it back by accepting and loving it the way it is and not the way you would like it to be!